when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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