Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
