I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
