I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
