Don't you send me to vm
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
