sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
