It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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