awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
