he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
