and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
