69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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