You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
