I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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