You made me cry and you don't even care
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
