what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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