my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
