Who wears a wallet chain?!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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