Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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