There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
