remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
