tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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