did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the day after is always just damage control
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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