when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
