woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
