i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
