I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
