i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
