Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
