I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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