Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
