Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
