I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
