good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
