I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
