Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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