Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
