so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
