Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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