Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
