Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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