Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
