pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
