Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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