U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
