Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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