I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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