john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
high people should be assigned attendants
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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