im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
