If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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