in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
