Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
