I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
